EXSTINKS (Or the story of why you shouldn’t watch TV)
John Galt, July 2015.
‘I’ve been impregnated by an alien while in outer space, alone on a space station. Yep it’s true – I have no idea how it happened but it did honey, do you still love me?’
‘Well of course I do and here, I’ve even invented an artificially intelligent child for us to raise while you were gone’
‘Awwck…your sweet, mwwah.’
Anyone who has recently watched TV knows that women are finally ‘doing it for themselves’. From Lisa on Ice Road Truckers to the Consistent lead roles in the Sci-fi TV show ‘The 100′, which sees a female engineer, female doctor, female teenage Joan of Arc and Female Boudicca all vying for Survival against the ‘bad men in the mountain’. It’s rather predictable actually. Put some T n A in anything these days and both sexes jump for joy but for those of us who can read between the lines it’s a little less hooray! and a little more ‘hang on what?’.
Not that women aren’t as smart as men but these roles don’t just stretch the imagination, they break it and remold it in a form that is anything but a resemblance of reality and the excuse is science fiction. The recent Second Season of the TV show ‘Extant’ is a prime example. Season 2 just aired this July and chronicles the story of Molly Woods, an astronaut played by Halle Berry who ‘falls’ pregnant sans a penis while on a planned trip to a space station in earth orbit. The internet movie database tagline for the movie reads:
“An astronaut struggles to learn how she became pregnant while on a 13-month-long solo space mission.”
Being science fiction we can make up whatever story we like and it’s automatically true but as already stated it’s what’s between the lines of badly written script that matters. They seem to be everywhere at the moment, strong independent women, blameless in every way, beautiful, adored and terribly, terribly stricken with circumstances beyond their control. As the opening paraphrased quotations from the show attest poor Molly has somehow gotten knocked up and it’s not her fault.
Not that this isn’t ringing any bells in a multitude of men’s heads but I feel sorry for her now I mean she has obviously; – at least according to the story line – got space raped by some sort of floaty, glowy dusty thing that simultaneously looked just like her dead Ex and who she kinda sorta fantasized about while it was happening; but don’t victim blame her you damn dirty ape. The story doesn’t end there however as Molly, now returned home to her husband realizes that those bad, bad men who sent her up into space knew all this was going to happen already and the only one who feels her pain is another woman who then helps her justify keeping it a secret from everyone else.
As we’re not told who it is that’s shooting the blanks in this relationship we can only assume that it’s the husband but if an alien can get the job done well then it’s just as good right?. Hubby then makes up for HIS failure in good white knight fashion because the brilliant, obedient little man with his store bought jumpers, shirts and his nice hair cut has invented a ‘Humanics’. A little boy robot that dances and laughs and tries not to bump into things. Of course Molly ‘Loves’ him but in reality what we see is a woman trying to love a walking toaster and besides which she’s got bigger things on her mind.
Cut to Season 2 and Molly has had her alien/human love child stolen from her Womb, again by those bad men at NASA – someone get my violin. Only this time the story is lost in time, much like Lost in Space with Robby the Robot doing his best to be a real boy and the Professor trying desperately to save his brain – danger Will Robinson, danger. Her drunken useless father from Season one has disappeared from the plot line altogether. Probably just as well as he made the poor Twiki upgrade play bar games for money so he’s clearly another sick evil bastard we can conveniently forget about. Molly has been recovering for a year now, having previously been back on the space station trying not to get knocked up again. We are introduced to her playing a game of her own as part of her recovery in hospital where she is getting it on with some other guy in the shower, how very dare she.
Of course the saintly Virgin Molly that she is we quickly learn that it’s only a virtual reality game as we can’t have our chief protagonist being a cheater even though it’s kinda sorta like internet porn and as we can see she absolutely hates that.
We also learn that while poor Molly has been recuperating in a psyche ward where – of course – the male orderly is a lecherous pig her husband has been cheating on her. The dirty dog has been doing his female assistant, an obsessed woman who thinks that Roby the Robot/Twiki is a real boy and just wants to steal Molly’s ‘family’ away from her.
This is probably to the other woman’s benefit as her previous boyfriend turned out to be a psychotic terrorist, he is after all a man so he must want to blow up or rape something. Despite her ‘struggle’ however she is clearly one of those bad women, not interested in being strong and independent herself and has robot legs, because there has to be something wrong with her or she wouldn’t be interested in such weak, evil men. The cuck/cheat professor now has to get his comeuppance as poor Molly has been through enough already what with every single man on the Planet being a complete scumbag, cheating, rapist, terrorist, alcoholic, alien monster(even her own alien male child). So hubby gets hit by a train and mangled into tiny little pieces which is of course what every cheater deserves, sci-fi make believe or not. Unsurprisingly shows like Channel 4’s ‘Humans’ also have men cheating and abusing female robots and had a particularly offensive line in its recent second episode:
“Everything your men do to us they want to do to you”
[A reference to the creepy old guy wanting to role play child abuse and rape with a robotic prostitute.]
Yes there’s definitely a bit of a sex robot theme going on at the moment, we are after all men and therefore will fuck anything. In fact it’s not just men in our ‘Humans’ story that want to get it on with a robot but the unhappy wife of a police investigator tasked with finding and capturing our wayward walking toasters. The justification again of course lays at the foot of those horrible evil men, this time it’s the controlling and abusive husband, my, my we are hitting all the cliches; but back to our ‘Exstincts’ story.
We switch back to Molly playing the VR game in real time present day, past perfect tense, imperfect – okay it’s now as in right now and we now know that she didn’t porn cheat on her dead, cheating, cuckold husband until after he got mangled by the 3.40 from Detroit so that’s okay then. What a relief, for a moment there I thought a woman might have done something bad and that would just be unacceptable I mean how on earth could be ever go on?.
So in conclusion folks I think I may have certainly, absolutely, definitely just committed a kind of blasphemy, victim blaming, rape apology, ad hominem, straw man, generalizing, triggering crime by criticizing the sanctity and sainthood of all women everywhere, ever. Even ones who get knocked up in space, are blameless, pretty, smart and completely innocent of everything, everywhere, every time. These days we just ‘know’ that ALL men are cuckold, raping, cheating, violent bastards – How very dare I.
Least I forget the other evil monster men in the story line, we additionally have a military man who forces Molly to lie in front of a Senate committee and wants to bomb the general population with drone strikes, a burnt out bounty hunter who sleeps with hookers and a weak minded lab assistant. Don’t tune in next week for the next episode where in all likely-hood hordes of naked raping alien men will attempt to slaughter bus loads of virginal nuns with their Machete shaped cocks. Who knows maybe Mad Max’s lesbian sister will come to the rescue and save us all from ourselves. After all according to feminist dogma such male violence in the Media has a knock on effect in real life(even though every government study shows the exact opposite) and we wouldn’t want that.
Gotta go folks, I’m due to meet with some alien murder rape terrorists from the planet Zorg this afternoon in a secret patriarchy meeting. Stay safe and remember girls, if you ‘fall’ pregnant or feel like shagging the toaster while your hubby is away it’s never your fault.
Take my Poll (pun intended)